Hi I'm new and have an interesting Q?

[Abel_06]

My boyfriend is Nigerian and I want to know what is the cultural norm for romantic relationships and marriages. What are the normal roles for males/females in the household and in relationships in Nigeria? Does it matter what part he's from? With both of us being strong willed people sometimes we clash and other times we don't. And what is the Nigerian outlook on family and finances?:confused:

[admin]

Abel 06,
First of all accept my executive welcome to Nigerians.us
Now let’s try and tackle you questions one after the other
Cultural Norm for Romantic Relationships and marriages-- Well well well, depending on what part of the country your man is from the cultural norm may vary slightly. Please bear in mind that you asked for "Cultural Norm" and not what is being increasingly acceptable. So here it is. Dating is not in our vocabulary. Infact the Igbo culture refers to dating as thus " O na e'me e'yi Nweke" which when translated literally means "She is doing boyfriend" This is more an accusation than a statement. Dating for the sake of dating is not applauded. What is normal culturally is courtship and before that can take place; the guy must make his intentions known to your people.
Normal roles for females are also different from the roles today’s woman is facing in modern day Nigeria. People are waking up to smell the coffee and realizing that a two income family never really hurt anyone. For this though I will refer you to the bible. Nigerian men see themselves as providers of the family. They are the head of the family and this fact is uncontestable. There is a reason the military is the most successful organization ever known to man. It is because of structure and the fact that at any point in time, you can always point at the captain of the ship or the commander of the squadron. Establishing a clear family leader is important for the health of the family.
Nigerian is very family oriented. Infact amongst most culture they think you are missing something until you are married. Winfery and the secretary of State (Ms Rice) for example will be admired for there money and power but secretly felt sorry for. This is because they are single at that age and never been married.
Here is the rule of thumb. The husband is the uncontestable head of the household. Generally the woman keeps house. The man is usually in charge of finances and big purchases such as a car and a house.
With both of you being strong willed, my tip is for you to chill and use your famine Prowers instead of aggression to win him over all the time. Never under estimate the natural power of a woman. Remember only woman could get Adam to bite the Apple.

[Madonna]

Abel it does not matter were your boyfriend comes from, the most important thing is understanding each other, and also be submissive and tolerant.

[vronnie]

and I notice nigerian men do not like loud women.(not all men)

[Dim]

I must say thumbs up to the bits given. Observe the contast. It is whole.

[fulani]

Abel it does not matter were your boyfriend comes from, the most important thing is understanding each other, and also be submissive and tolerant.

I don't believe a woman should submissive. I believe in mutual respect for both parties.

Now I recognise that women are better than men in some aspects of life, in these intances the woman should take the lead, and vice versa.

However, most of our religious beliefs subscribe to the man being the head of the household. This is fine, but this role should not be abused. We live in a modern society where for the most part both the woman and the man have to work to maintain a certain lifestyle, a certain standard of living.

Well, the man sholud not expect the woman to come back after a hard day and still cook and nuture the kids at the same time.

Point is, a partnership is ideal!!

[oluranti]

[QUOTE=fulani;2073]I don't believe a woman should submissive. I believe in mutual respect for both parties.


There canot be two captains in a boat. The boat will capsize. no matter how small it may be, the man must have the final say, when there is a need for one. After all he will be held reponsible for the success or otherwise of the home.

Nevertheless, in response to the main question, wherever you come from, what matters most is understanding. The two parties involved must understand each other and must be willing to make the relationship work. All the best.

[fulani]

@ oluranti...you wrote
There canot be two captains in a boat. The boat will capsize. no matter how small it may be, the man must have the final say, when there is a need for one. After all he will be held reponsible for the success or otherwise of the home.

Nevertheless, in response to the main question, wherever you come from, what matters most is understanding. The two parties involved must understand each other and must be willing to make the relationship work. All the best.

I don't think both of us disagree neccesarily. You echoed my sentiments at the end of your piece.

If you go back to my original post, I wrote;
]"Now I recognise that women are better than men in some aspects of life, in these intances the woman should take the lead, and vice versa[/B]"

You notice that I gave some room in my argument about the possibility of leadership from the man (traditionally). But this leadership will only work where mutual respect prevails.. otherwise the men will be fooling themselves. Because the moment the woman has a bit of 'freedom' she will stick it to the man.

At this point most men who abused their position are 'shocked'!...

[oluranti]

Fulani, i get your drift but what about ego? It is often said that the hands that rock the cradle rules the world, and our own Chinwenzu here in Nigeria once defined the power of the woman and said a man is perpetually under it.

But tell me, how would you feel if your wife, though has the power and financial resources to do so, yet refuses to commit the family on any occasion, without consulting you first? Respected and honoured, i guess.

That is what men want. To be seen as being in control. Chinwenzu says a man is ruled by his mother from infancy to bachelorhood and afterwards his wife takes over ruling him. But tell me if women are truly to lead or head why the need for the Beijin conference?

Any attempt for a woman to have the final say at home is tantamount to usurpation of man's power. But a woman can take a decision, yet make it look as if it was the man who took it. It's a nice way to massage a man's ego.;)